This Weekend:

Things I threw up:
Italian Ice
Iced Tea
Water
Potato Chips
Popcorn

Things I actually ate:
Saturday:
2 slices of bacon
1 egg
A couple fried potatoes
Toast
Applesauce

Sunday:
5 bites of a cheeseburger
3 spoons of baked beans
1 mozzarella cheese stick
1 chocolate chip cookie
Applesauce

I'm sorry this blog has turned into a place to do nothing but tell you what I'm getting sick on, but right now my food intake (or lack thereof) is consuming me. I'm hungry constantly and there's nothing I can eat. I stare at the shelves in the pantry at all of the things I would love to eat. I'm scared though, I'm shell shocked. I look at the cheezits and remember how sick I was on them. I look at the cans of creamy soup and think of how horrible they'll taste on the rebound. I look at the pasta and the taco kits and even the hamburger helper and I shiver. I'm so scared of being sick that I've given up eating. There's nothing I want. Poor Doug hasn't had a good meal in months. He's been surviving on Smart Ones and microwave Tyson Chicken and rice. Of course, I can't handle the smell of that so I have to go upstairs when he eats. I'm so tired of being starving, but not being able to eat. It's so frustrating that it makes me cry.

In other news, I did something completely horrifying this weekend that I'm going to chalk up to pregnancy. I burped - no, burped isn't the right word - I belched, loudly, while sitting at a table in a public place with my family. We were at a Barnstormer's game and enjoying the free buffet they were offering in one of the suites. I was trying very hard to eat something, anything. I had a few bites of a cheeseburger and suddenly felt ill. It probably didn't help that my brother was talking about how eerily gray the burgers were. He claimed they were a mystery meat or soy or some otherwise non-burger meat. It got to me. My stomach started turning. I thought I'd try to stick it out. I sat down the burger and dished up the beans instead. That's when it happened. I belched, loudly. I quickly covered my mouth and apologized to everyone at the table. Thankfully it was just my family, but still! I thought I was going to die of humiliation. Everyone acted like it was no big deal, so I decided to do the same. I sat down my fork and covered my food with my napkin. I stuck to the fruit punch then, no more food for me.

Something else I did this weekend - the Brickyard Garage Sale on Saturday. I woke up early on Saturday, stopped for decaf Starbucks and picked up Dani. We headed to my parent's house to park and then we shopped the sales. Dani got a lot of great deals, but she knows she's having a boy, so selection was easier for her. I don't know what I'm having yet, so I had to stick to neutrals. I picked up a couple yellow outfits with ducks on them and a few other things. Two sleepers, some onesies and some pants. I even picked up the cutest pair of socks you've ever seen, with two stuffed ducks on the feet. They were adorable. They have rattles inside so they rattle when you shake them. For 25 cents, I couldn't resist. Wow, I bought my first baby stuff. That's a big deal.

Just look at the little ducky socks (or are they baby chicks? I don't know).

Hash Brown Casserole

(Warning: If you don't want to read about projectile vomit, skip this post.)

Had a serious craving for this casserole yesterday. I made it for Easter, so I had some of it on Sunday, but I had to share with 9 other people, so I didn't get as much as I wanted. The casserole comes together pretty easy, so I decided to stop on the way home and get all the necessary ingredients. When it finished baking I pulled it out of the oven and dished myself a big bowl. A while later I went for a second big bowl. It was so delicious and cheesy, and the topping was crispy and buttery, it was perfection.

About an hour later I was feeling sleepy and started to get ready for bed. I put the dishes in the dishwasher, I put away the casserole, I poured myself a glass of water, etc. Then out of nowhere I became uncontrollably sick. I ran to the bathroom and threw up. This was the definition of violently sick, it was horrible. I was throwing up so violently it was splashing me. It was horrendous. Afterwards all I could do was lay my head in my hands and cry. Yet another food I've ruined for myself, something I won't be able to eat again for a long, long time. I blamed myself for overdoing it, and eating two bowls. Maybe if I only had one I would be okay. Then I blamed myself for being so stupid and thinking I was getting over the sickness. Then I picked myself up off the floor, cleaned myself up the best I could and crawled up to bed. I went to sleep in exactly what I was wearing, I didn't even change. I went to bed with vomit on my shirt and I didn't even care. I cried myself to sleep. I'm so tired of being sick. When will this end?

We're home!

Had a fantastic time in Ohio, it was fun to spend time with everyone to have everyone treat me like royalty as a pregnant woman (eat up, you're eating for two! - no, you take the comfortable chair, etc.). Easter Sunday we had delicious food as always and I loaded up. Easter evening we had a bonfire at Joel's place complete with burgers, dogs and sausages. I had a burger and of course several smores.

Doug would probably point out that we had to stop a couple more times than normal on the drive for bathroom breaks. I know the baby isn't big enough to be pressing on my bladder or anything, but all the books say that hormonal changes are causing me to urinate more often. So, yes, we stopped 3 times on the way out and again on the way back. Normally I can get by with one or two stops maximum for the 6 hour drive. At our first stop on the way out I picked up a bag of chips and a candy bar. I also got a water and a decaf Starbucks. Really healthy stuff. I ate the candy bar with my coffee. Obviously I wasn't thinking when I picked up the candy bar. I don't think I've mentioned anything about it here on the blog, but chocolate hasn't tasted quite the same since I've been pregnant. I don't know how to explain it. I still want chocolate, but when I taste it, it's just not the same sensation or texture as I'm used to. I didn't really enjoy the candy bar, but I shared it with Doug and he seemed pretty happy with that. Later in the journey, around 2:00 or so, we crossed into West Virginia and were stopped in traffic. Cars were moving every now and then, but it was practically a stand still. This is when I decided to break into the chips and the bottled water. I shared with Doug but I ate most of the chips. Then, as we continued to sit in traffic I started to feel my stomach gurgling. This was not good. I knew I was going to need a bathroom - fast, but we were barley moving and there were no exits in sight. Thankfully I was able to hold on long enough to make it through the traffic and we exited at the big Cabela's exit just inside WVA. Doug made a split decision and went to a Quiznos so I could use the bathroom to get sick and he could get a sandwich. He ordered me a fruit punch which tasted good but I didn't want to drink anything too fast after getting sick. After 15 minutes or so we were back on our way. We arrived around 5:30 and had a late dinner with the family.

All weekend I enjoyed excellent food with no sickness. I'll admit I had a couple moments where I thought I might lose it, but I was able to keep it together and not throw up at all through the weekend.

We headed home Monday after a big breakfast with the "extended" family at Bob Evans. Everything was delicious but I didn't want to overdo it and be sick in the car. About 2 hours into the drive I had a strong craving for sweets. I wanted candy and I wanted it fast! I saw an exit ahead that had a Sheetz convenience store so I asked Doug to stop. They didn't have the candy I wanted (Spree) but I got a box of Mike & Ikes instead and some Necco wafers. I also bought a Sprite for the drive. After about a half hour of popping candy and sipping Sprite, I started to feel really queasy. I stopped eating and put everything out of sight. I had a couple moments where I thought I'd be sick but somehow I composed myself. Whew. The rest of the drive was pretty uneventful and Doug let me catch up on my sleep for a while. We stopped at my parent's house to pick up the dog and cat and my mom had made us a good dinner and fresh baked cookies.

While I miss being with everyone out in Ohio, I have to admit, it's good to be home. Back to work tomorrow.

Go West Young Woman

Tomorrow morning we head to Ohio. We're going out to visit my Aunt and Uncle and their family for the Easter weekend. I love spending time with this family, they make me feel so cozy and comfortable, I just love it. I have a lot of packing and preparations to do tonight so I know it's going to be a late one. Hopefully I can sleep in the car for a bit tomorrow to recuperate. I can't wait to spend time with everyone. We'll return on Monday afternoon.

Maternal Fetal What?

Today was our appointment with the Maternal Fetal Medicine doctors. I'm not exactly clear on all the aspects of Maternal Fetal Medicine (actually, I don't know a lick about it) but I know it's the place I had to go to have our risk level established for things such as Down Syndrome. The office is above the Outpatient Center at Women's and Babies hospital, so I knew the general area. Doug came with me since an ultrasound would be part of the exam. We were the first appointment of the day, so we didn't have to wait long. An ultrasound technician brought us back to the room. She never introduced herself but told me she'd be doing the first ultrasound, taking measurements and getting several views of the baby. She told me she would take her measurements and show them to the doctor who would then come in and do another ultrasound doing the same thing. I thought this was strange. "What, the doctor doesn't trust you?" I asked, laughing so she'd know I was kidding. No, she explained, it's not that at all, it's just that with both the doctor and her doing the measurements, there's less chance for error, so that’s how they do it. Well, I couldn't argue with that.

This room was set-up entirely different from the ultrasound rooms downstairs. Here, the equipment looked newer, shinier, and there was even a second monitor above the bed where I could watch everything she was scanning. I didn't have to crane my head to look at her screen. Doug had a big, comfy chair and a good view of both screens. This ultrasound was much longer than any of the others. I'm told this is because the other ones were only to detect a heartbeat while this one was to actually check all the baby's limbs and skull and take measurements of the spine (head to rump), the neck, the nose, etc. It was fascinating to be able to see the baby for so long, and to see all the motions it was making.

The technician commented at how active the baby was, and it really was, it was dancing all over the place, the head was bopping and the legs were moving, too. It was crazy. She took images of the baby's legs (two) and arms (two) and showed us that the skull is developing nicely (whew!). She took her measurements, which was really interesting. The whole time she was working the baby was tossing and turning and swimming all over the place. It was really wild to watch. It's unreal to think that this baby is inside of me and moving all over the place, yet it's too small for me to even feel yet. It's completely surreal. The technician finished and covered me up with a towel, saying the doctor would be in soon. Doug and I marveled at how cool it was to see the baby for so long and to see all the detail.

In a moment or two, the doctor came in and started the whole process over again. Once he took his measurements and images, he printed out an image for us. Then he proceeded to tell me to wipe myself off and get dressed. I hate doing this when the doctor is standing there. I think this is one of those insensitive things that causes me to dislike male doctors. There's something humiliating about wiping ultrasound gel off your belly with an already partially oozy towel that's been used to wipe off the instruments first. It's also somewhat degrading trying to fish up your underwear and pants that are unzipped and rolled down to your neither regions. It's not something you can do while lying on the bed, which causes you to stand and turn away from the doctor while attempting to reach for your zipper and buttons. Of course, turning away from the doctor meant facing Doug. It's not like he hasn't seen me zip up my pants a million times, but it's just downright uncomfortable when there are two perfectly dressed adult males in the room, both looking at me. Ugh.

The next step, the doctor informs me, while I realize I didn't do a good enough job wiping the ultrasound gel off my belly and now my pants feel cold and gooey, is to draw some blood to be sent away and tested. The blood work, combined with the ultrasound measurements, will determine my risk. I cheerfully explain that I thought it would only be a finger prick, not an actual blood draw. He says that finger pricks are unpredictable and don't always work, so his practice draws the blood instead. I laugh uncomfortably at how difficult it's going to be to get blood from me. Doug explains my problem with hidden veins while I chatter quietly about how I didn't realize there would be a blood draw, had I realized it I would have eaten a bigger breakfast, I would have drank more water, I would have worn a heavy sweater to keep my arms warm. The doctor acts unconcerned and takes my arm. I show him where Cindy has been successful getting blood from me in the past. He checks it out but keeps looking. He reviews both my arms, hands and wrists and finally settles on the spot I originally suggested. He misses. He tries again, he misses. He tells me he's going to have to get a phlebotomist from downstairs at outpatient services. I tell him to request Cindy, as she can get me on the first try. He makes a comment about how he will get whomever is available, he won't make any special requests. While he's gone I dread their arrival. I know it's going to hurt and I'm going to get light-headed.

Much to my surprise, Cindy walks in with the doctor about 5 minutes later. She immediately smiles at me and says she remembers me. I remind her where to go (my left arm, at the elbow crease, toward the left), she tells me she remembers and gets started. She misses the vein on the first attempt but keeps the needle in. She moves the needle around a bit and apologizes for the pain. I tell her to just get the blood, I don't care about the pain (which isn't really true, but it's all I can think about). She strikes blood and a moment later it's over. The doctor takes the vial and dumps the blood onto a little card with special circles on it. It reminds me of how you have to fill in your answers on a test paper with your number 2 pencil, and you have to fill out the entire circle. The sight of the blood on the paper made my stomach turn, so I stopped watching. Cindy packed up her kit and headed out, wishing me well. Thank God for Cindy and other people like her.

The doctor stays with us and talks for a while about my blood clot history, he asks me questions which I answer honestly to the best of my recollection (it was over 10 years ago). He says he wants to pull my paperwork from Lancaster General, where I was hospitalized, and review it. He leaves for a long time and returns with a couple print-outs. He says that he wants to pay attention to it, but he does not think it's necessary to keep me on blood thinning medications while pregnant. He suggests additional blood work (yippee) for me to have done another time. He said he'll send a report to my OB who will in turn order the blood work for "thrombosis" and some other items. He explains that a counselor from his office will be calling me in a few days once the blood has been reviewed and they can make an analysis of my risk level. He requests my return around 18 weeks for another scan and sends me on my way. I have my hang-ups about male doctors, but overall I think he was a very nice doctor. He did make a joke about how he hopes my veins will double in size by the time I give birth, since I'll need an IV when I'm in the hospital. That wasn't very nice, but I'm sure he was kidding. :)

Building an Arc

It was raining so hard today at work that I was tempted to start building an arc. My friend and I were planning to go out to lunch but didn't want to brave the torrential downpour. We went through all the menus we have and finally found a place that sounded good and would deliver. Pat's Pizza. Nothing jumped out at me, but I thought Mozzarella sticks would be good. I ordered them, and some cheesy-breadsticks. Cheese overload. Yeah, you guessed it, about an hour later I got to taste everything again on the rebound.

Thankfully today at the office our food lab is serving ICEE drinks to everyone. Our stores will be able to start selling it soon so we're all getting to try it. The cool Icee is soothing my upset stomach for now. Yes, it's Coke flavored. Yes, that means there's some caffeine. No, that does not mean you're allowed to judge me. I got a half of a cup and it's mostly air anyway. I'll take what I can get.

On The Rebound

Another item to add to the list: Cheezit Snack Sticks.
They tasted so good when I was eating them, they went down so easy with my root beer and mindless watching of "The Real Housewives of New York". Then, they all came up. Another night of going to bed with nothing in my stomach but some water and a vitamin.

Red Lobster Cheese Biscuits

Tonight we were going to see a show, "Movin' Out", it's a musical review featuring Billy Joel's music. I had been feeling somewhat high from the fun day and decided I might be able to handle eating out. But what did I want? As we were driving it struck me. I wanted Red Lobster's Cheese Biscuits. Doug was worried I'd be sick at the smell of seafood but I knew I wanted biscuits. When we got to Red Lobster I looked at the menu. I didn't want anything but the biscuits. I settled on the soup, the cheapest thing on the menu, and told the waiter yes, we would like the complementary basket of biscuits.

The basket was gone in no time and my soup arrived. I didn't want it. I asked for more biscuits (to go with the soup, of course). I think I housed 8 biscuits. I had to tell myself to slow down. I told Doug to stop me, because they were going to taste really bad on the rebound. He told me to take it easy, but to eat whatever I could (I think he was so thrilled to see me eating he didn't care).

Eventually the waitor noticed I wasn't eating my soup and he asked if it was okay. I came clean and told him I didn't actually want the soup, that I'm pregnant and the only thing I wanted was the biscuits. He said he totally understood - when his wife was pregnant the only thing she wanted was Denny's. He was very kind and brought me a big bag of the biscuits to go. Yes, he earned a big tip.

April Fools!

Today I made the world aware. I got on Twitter at 6:45 in the morning and posted that I'm pregnant. I chose today because I thought it would be fun to see everyone's reactions on Twitter and FaceBook. It has been such a fun day. I had my first reply by 7am and many followed. Lots of people were like "ha ha, April Fool's" and many more believed it at first and then quickly commented on their stupidity, because of course I'm joking, it's April Fool's Day after all. After a while I posed an ultrasound picture, which I thought would settle the debate once and for all. Instead, it only added to the confusion as people commented how you can find just about anything on the internet.

For as many people commented on FaceBook and Twitter, there were dozens more who came up to "look me in the eye" to see if it was true. It was a really fun day and I surprised lots of people with my news. Everyone was very happy for me.

On The Rebound

Another item to add to the rebound list: dry Golden Grahams cereal.
Total food intake today, 2 McD's hash browns and 2 saltine crackers. I'm sad, and tired. Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow is April Fool's Day, the day I've decided to tell all my FaceBook friends and Twitter followers that I'm pregnant. This of course means I'm telling my co-workers, too. I'm excited to see what everyone has to say. Inevitably, there will be people who don't believe it, but that's just part of the fun. Goodnight.

Dreams and McD's

Last night I dreamt I was walking through the supermarket alone. I had a cart, and I was pushing it through every aisle. Periodically I'd pick something off the shelf and look at it. Then I'd sit it back on the shelf and keep walking. In the dream I felt this overwhelming desire for fresh watermelon. There wasn't any in the produce area, except for a small plastic tub of cut up pieces, which looked like it was 3 weeks old. It wasn't bright pink at all, it was grayish pink with a cloudy film on it. There was a bench in the produce area and I curled up on the bench and cried. I woke up thinking that it's really bad when I can't even eat in my dreams.

This morning I decided to treat my nausea like a hang-over. Everybody knows the best cure for a hang-over stomach is a greasy breakfast, usually McDonald's. So I pulled into the drive through and ordered the only thing I thought I'd be able to stomach, two hash browns and a small sweet tea. Now, I know there's caffeine in sweet tea, but I was feeling so weak and sick I decided I needed it. Don't judge me! Surely a small cup couldn't hurt anything. Well, when I drove around for my order the cup they gave me was the size of a lake. I told the woman that I had ordered a small. She smiled and said "This is the only size for a sweet tea". Well, there you have it. I'm going to hell. The tea was so delicious I thought I had gone to heaven. No, I was not able to discipline myself to drink a small amount and throw the rest away. No way. It was too good. The first few bites of the hash browns were iffy, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to eat both of them, but by the time I finished the first one and it's greasy goodness had hit my stomach, there was no turning back. I prayed I wouldn't get sick, and thankfully, I didn't. Hopefully I'll find something for lunch that won't make me ill.

On the rebound.

Two more items to add to the list of foods I've tasted on the rebound:
Peanut butter and marshmallow crackers (these were my dinner) and a fresh pear (this was my attempt at eating something, anything, even though I was already sick). I feel hopeless. It seems like there's nothing I can eat, but I'm starving, and I'm feeling weak.

Tornado hits Clay Twp.

Last night we were visiting my in-laws for my brother in-law's birthday dinner. As we arrived we heard a tornado warning on the radio. It was for a county that's about 45 minutes away but I still got a little nervous. My poor dog is deathly afraid of thunderstorms and pants and cries for hours. I was worried about her. Doug and I crossed our fingers it would miss Lancaster and we headed in to see the family. Within minutes of coming in and chatting with Chris and Doug, the sky began to darken. Then an alert came on the television about a tornado warning, this time in our area, headed right for us. The newscaster suggested we seek cover in a basement. I was starting to feel anxious so when Doug Sr. suggested we all go downstairs I agreed. We headed down into the basement and turned on the TV down there. Within minutes, Doug's sister and her family arrived. They all came down with us. The guys were going up and down the stairs to look out the windows, and I kept trying to tell Doug to stay down with me.
We all hung out in the basement for a while and then the rain hit. It was wicked, the rain was coming down like a sheet and then the hail started. Somewhere in the course of events, the power went out. The hail was falling, and it was loud. It was big, too, and it had me pretty scared. (I was worried about my car, outside on the street, and about our house and especially about Rogue at home).

After a while when it passed and became light outside again, we all came upstairs and investigated the damage. The lawn and street was covered in hail. You couldn't even see the grass. Across the street the neighbors were shoveling the hail with a snow shovel. I'm not sure why. Maybe they needed something to do. It's not like they won't melt in an hour. The entire neighborhood was without power, but in true boy-scout fashion, Doug Sr. is prepared for anything (I swear, even a nuclear fallout) and has a generator at the ready. Before we could get hungry, he hooked up the generator and had all the major appliances running. Dinner would not be a problem. Oh yeah, the lights and TV were on, too. Of course. While Chris prepared the meal, the boy's busied themselves with talking about the storm and Doug went outside to grill the chicken. Grilling the chicken involved talking to the neighbors who were all curious about why our television was working and we have no power.

This is about when I started to feel ill. I wouldn't describe it as nausea, it felt different. It felt a little like I was having cramps, but it wasn't more than one, it was like one long dull cramp. I asked Doug to get me something bland to eat, and he brought me some hard pretzels. I crunched on them but it didn't go away. I just stayed on the recliner and tried to relax. When dinner rolled around I decided it must be hunger so I filled my plate and ate plenty. Grilled chicken seemed pretty safe, so did a baked potato. It was delicious, I ate every bite and even dug in for Chris's homemade applesauce. After dinner, when we started to clear the plates, I really felt sore. This crampy feeling just wasn't going away. I went to the bathroom and did what I always seem to do after a meal lately, I threw up. I stayed there for a while, and tried to clear my head. Maybe I just had a stomach-ache. I came out then and told Doug I needed to lay down. I went to the guest room and laid there and cried. I hate feeling sick, and I'm so tired of not being able to eat. It's gnawing away at me. After crying for a bit I decided to call my best friend, my doctor friend, she always has good advice. She seemed concerned about the cramp (cramps?) and suggested I call my OB right away. I took her advice. I paged the doctor on call who called me back immediately. When I described how I felt she told me to try to relax, and stay hydrated, she suggested that the crampy feeling is probably gas. (Boy did I feel stupid). She suggested that as long as there's no blood then she's sure it's nothing. If I were to find any blood I should call her immediately but for now I should try a Gas-X or some Tums and try to relax. I felt relieved, but still crampy. After I composed myself I finally went to join the rest of the family who was kind enough not to ask a million questions. Chris suggested maybe I had anxiety from the storm. This is very possible.

We had dessert then, Dove Chocolate brownies, and Jamie opened his gifts. I was still feeling sore/crampy but I put on a good face. After dessert I asked if we could go home. The power was still out (although, with the generator you'd never know) and I was worried about Rogue at home. The whole ride home I was in pain. It was really flaring up and I just wanted to lie down. As soon as we pulled in the garage I ran inside and (surprise!) threw up again. This time it was dessert. I took two Gas-X and went to bed. I'm feeling moderately better today. Still no food to speak of, and I couldn't bring myself to eat any lunch today.

Super Doppler?

Today was another appointment at the OB. Doug came along with me because I thought I would be getting an ultrasound. As it turns out, I did, but it wasn't actually part of the plan for the day. I met a new doctor today, the second doctor in the practice who I've met. She was awesome. Right away I knew I would like her. We talked about everything, including some issues I've had in the past with potential blood clots and some issues I've had with vasculitis. She was very open and friendly and answered all my questions. After the initial part of my exam, she said she was going to try to listen to the baby's heart beat using a small machine that she called a "doppler" machine. It looked like a little tape recorder with a detachable microphone. I was laying down, so I didn't see a lot. Doug had to explain it to me after the fact. The doctor pressed the little microphone contraption onto the surface of my lower stomach and moved around trying to hear the baby. As she moved around and pressed harder, it became extremely uncomfortable. Actually, I don't think uncomfortable describes it. It hurt, bad. I was laying there, gripping the table and almost crying, that's how bad it hurt. The doctor was focusing on what she was doing and clearly she didn't notice that I was in pain. After a while I finally managed to whimper a question out "is it supposed to be this uncomfortable?". Immediately she stopped what she was doing and put down the machine. She moved so she was at my face and apologized in the most sincere voice. She honestly sounded very sorry and compassionate. I don't know why, but that compassion put me over the edge. I felt completely vulnerable and for some reason, started to cry. As the tears streamed from my face I was so completely embarrassed. I attempted a joke about how if I thought this was painful then I better get used to it because child birth is going to be torture. She stayed right at my side and held my arm. She told me that's not true, that there's no reason why child birth has to be a torturous experience. She said there's no reason I should ever endure pain and I should always communicate what I'm feeling rather than suffering in silence. I agreed. She helped me sit up then and held my hands. She was so compassionate I just wanted to hug her. I still felt totally vulnerable and wanted to crack a joke to get my control back. Why do I do this? I finally blurted out that the doppler probably wouldn’t have been so hard on a skinny girl, it's just that she had a lot of fat to press through. She took my hands again and said that had nothing to do with it, the baby is simply very tiny and hard to locate, it has nothing to do with the size of the mother. More compassion, I really liked this doctor, if only I could get used to being vulnerable around her instead of grasping for control. She explained that because she was unable to hear the heart beat with the doppler (which was no problem, it's still really early and the baby is really small), she would instead have to send me for an ultrasound to detect the heartbeat. Once I was back at the desk to check-out, the woman at the desk made an appointment for me to come back for the ultrasound at the Outpatient Services area. This would take place at 4:00 pm, so Doug agreed to come back and meet me for that.

We both went to work and then met around 4 for the ultrasound. The nurse brought us back to the room and performed the ultrasound. She was very thorough and once she completed she turned the monitor so I could see. This was just as fascinating as my first ultrasound, but this time Doug was there to see it, too. The baby was somewhat more defined than the last Ultrasound, but it was still hard to define much in the image. The nurse called my doctor to explain everything I saw and then came in and handed me the phone so I could talk to the doctor. The doctor I met with the first time was on the line this time, and she explained that everything looked good and the baby's heartbeat is strong. She said there was a minor complication that was found. Apparently I have a small "hematoma" near the sack which could potentially rupture causing me to bleed a little at some point. She expressed that it's very common and I should not be concerned. She said it should not have any adverse effects on the baby or on me. This is good news.

With that, the nurse gave us a new ultrasound print out and sent us on our way. Wow, what a day.

The coolest gifts!

My friend Allyson sent me the coolest gifts from a website called PerpetualKid.com. It's her favorite website so when I saw that's where the box was from I knew immediately it was from her. When I opened the package I found the cutest books and a pack of little finger monsters (they're adorable, but I'm thinking they're more for Doug). The books - in a word - hysterical! The books are a totally sarcastic version of the sappy lovey-dovey baby books you see almost everywhere. One book is called "Oh Crap, I'm Pregnant" - it's the best of all. Another is a sarcastic book about how to handle your baby, with images showing you the right and wrong things to do. The images for the "wrong" things to do, are hysterical - things you would never imagine doing. It's very funny. That one has a little wheel with an arrow on the top (like a game piece) and when you spin the arrow it comes to rest on either "mom" or "dad". It's called the "Wheel of Responsibility". They suggest you use it to determine who has to handle the middle of the night feedings, diaper changes and vomit patrol. It's very funny. The last book is an activity book for the parents to use during your child's first year. One activity said something like "Now that your baby is 6 months old, your brain has completely gone to goo, you can barley sustain adult conversation - see how many words you can jot down with 5 syllables or more". These books are the kind of sarcastic humor I love, and Allyson knows it. She's awesome.
Thank you, Allyson!

Animal Crackers

Today I am absolutely, unequivocally in love with Barnum's brand animal crackers.
I bought them at the supermarket on a whim yesterday, because my hairdresser told me they helped ease her nausea when she was pregnant. I'm not normally a big animal cracker fan, I think they're actually pretty tasteless. Clearly I've never had Barnum's brand before. They're awesome. They're perfect for breakfast, lunch or dinner - and they might just be my breakfast, lunch and dinner, if I can't stomach anything else today.

I had a hair appointment this weekend, so I got to drop the news on my hairdresser and all my friends at the salon. Karen was getting ready to mix up my color and I was like "wait, I have a question first". She assumed I wanted to change color so we all looked at Kelly, my stylist. So then I said to Kelly "Is your hair color safe for pregnant women"? She was so happy I think she was going to cry. She was like "I knew it, I knew it". I'm not sure how she knew it, but everyone says she has a sixth sense about pregnancy. I would have been pregnant last time I saw her, but I didn't know it at the time. She said that after my last appointment she told the other girls that I was pregnant.

I also had the pleasure of telling my cousin, Joel, the news, and my Aunt Nancy as well. I love my long talks with Joel, when we have each other's undivided attention. And I always love talking to Aunt Nancy. I was glad I could share the news with them.

This week I have an appointment on Friday where I'll have another ultrasound. Doug is planning to come along for this one. I'm looking forward to it. I need to start making my list of questions for the doctor.

For now, I'll finish my baggie of animal crackers.

All Day Sickness

Remember last week when I said that 7:30 to 8:30 was my danger hour, the time that I could be sick at any moment? I think I'm being punished for writing that. Ever since then I'm sick all day long. It lingers with me throughout the day, just waiting for the wrong smell or wrong thought to cross my path. All the sudden I'll be sick. The worst part is that I am basically starving all day long - but I just can't think of anything I could eat that won't make me sick. Banana popsicles seem to be my only solace, but they're not enough. I don't know how much longer I can put up with this. Nothing appeals to me, but I am so hungry!

I feel like I have the flu. You know that feeling you get when you have the flu really bad and you haven't had anything except gingerale and chicken soup for two days? You feel weak from a lack of food and from all the vomiting. You feel weak from…well, the flu virus. I feel like that. I guess it's not quite as bad as the flu because I'm not fighting off a fever or anything, but I basically feel weak all over. Like I could crawl into a corner with a blanket and fall asleep for hours. I'm sleeping for almost 9 hours a night, but it's just not enough. I'm tired all day. I suppose I might feel a little more energized if I could actually eat something substantial. Something more than crackers or popsicles.

Hopefully this will pass soon.

Starbucks!

I would do just about anything right now for a Starbucks White Chocolate Mocha. I'm really missing my morning coffee. Don't get me wrong, the apple juice is good, but it's just not the same. My sense of smell is so accute that I can smell when people walking by my desk with coffee, and I can decipher when it has cream or not. It's like my nose is bionic or something.

Starbucks, I miss you!!!!

Exhaustion

Board meeting today. I was up at the crack of dawn to get into work and set up. Coffee, pastery, juices, bagels, yogert, granola, etc. Meeting was 8:00 - 12:00. After the meeting I had dishes to wash and food to put away. These are things that I really like to do (hospitality) however, I am now completely and totally exhausted. Things that were never difficult are suddenly taking a toll on my body. I have a backache and I feel completely spent. This baby is exhausting me!

Coworker just mentioned that I seem to be losing weight, looking thinner. What?!
I didn't mention that I feel fatter than I ever have in my entire life.

Blood from a stone?

I was back to the hospital this afternoon to see if the nurse could get blood from a stone. I had the original nurse today, the one who was able to get a vein on the first try last time. She remembered me, and she remembered where she got blood. She went in and didn't get it on the first try, but she stayed in, and moved the needle around a bit until she found the vein. I gave her 6 full vials! I was so relieved, I thought I would cry. I told her I'd be asking for her if I have to endure any more blood work through my pregnancy. She was very kind.

In other news. I've determined that from roughly 7:30 - 8:30pm is my danger hour. This seems to be the time of day when I feel like I could toss my cookies at any moment. Any smell can be dangerous. I've made Doug aware that the buffalo chicken dip is off limits for at least the next 9 months - if not forever. It seems like I just can't eat dinner. I can eat lunch, and feel good for lunch and through the day, but in the evening I can't seem to eat anything without it being a threat. Banana popsicles are my only friend.

Glitz & Glamour

Had lunch with a really good friend who used to work with me but left the company to go back to school. I told her the news Monday, along with a couple other near and dear friends. She immediately wanted to get together to chat. She's so sweet. It was hard to keep it to a one hour lunch but we did good.

She showed up at Rachel's Crepery (my choice), with two fancy gift bags. Inside one is a book, "The Yummy Mummy Manefesto (Baby, Beauty, Balance and Bliss)". It's a totally cute book, while breezing through I even read a line about being Pregnant in Prada. Totally fashionable. She's so sweet. In the other bag was hemorrhoid cream, laxatives, and Beano. She said "Pregnancy isn't all glitz and glamour". She cracks me up.

Glamour agenda for later today - head back to the hospital for the blood work that couldn't be done yesterday. Try not to become a pin cushion (again).

Pin Cushion

It's been almost a week since my intake appointment when the nurse asked me to have blood work done in a week, so I decided I better take care of that. I've been dreading this since I am afraid I won't get the same person as last time and I'll become a pin cushion. I decided to go tonight after work since they're open until 6:00 pm. I left the office at 5:00 exactly. I arrived at Outpatient Services at 5:20. I didn't leave to go home until 6:30.

My first nurse seemed very unsure of herself, she was pressing around my arm so deeply I thought she'd leave black and blue marks. She complained that she couldn't find anything. She tried both arms and eventually attempted something on my left arm. She missed. There was nothing there. She called another nurse. This nurse was much friendlier and seemed more sure of herself. She felt all over both arms and hands before attempting anything. She didn't feel anything strong enough. She suggested we try the veins at the base of my wrist. This scared me a little because nobody had ever done this before, no matter how desperate to find a vein they've been. I agreed to it since she said it was fine. She tried both my wrists. She couldn't get anything more than a couple drips. She tried the top of my hand. Again, a couple drips. The first nurse came back, she tried another spot. No luck. I wanted to get this done and overwith, so I suggested they keep trying. I tried to be a good sport. Eventually, several sticks later, they gave up. They asked me to come back tomorrow. Tomorrow the woman will be on duty who was able to get me last time in one try. The nurses were both very friendly and apologized for not being able to get anything. Of course, I told them it's not their fault, it's my veins, and how they're hidden so deep. They gave me juice and left me sit for a bit while they cleaned up to close up for the night. My arms ached, my wrists ached, and even the top of my hand ached. I felt so bad. I know it's out of my contrul but I felt so bad. I just wanted to cry.

When I got home I was plesantly surprised to see that Doug stopped at a supermarket out of our way (Elizabethtown) to find the popsicles I've been craving for a week now. We couldn't find them at any grocery stores in our area, but I heard from my boss that they had them at Darrenkamps. Doug stopped on his way home from work at a Darrenkamps, and bought me two boxes of Banana popsycles. They're exactly what I needed. It's all I could eat tonight. My stomach is so upset. I cried and cried tonight. Upset about my wrists and how they hurt, and about not being able to give blood for the blood tests. This hormonal stuff is really annoying.

Morning sickness = misnomer

First serious bout with "morning" sickness tonight around 7:30pm (the nurse told me the term was really a misnomer because it could come at any time of day). It was BAD! I have a bad stomach, I throw up a lot - but I don't think I've ever experienced anything like that before. Not a flu, not a migraine, nothing. That was horrible. I thought I might have black and blue marks under my eyes from that. I don't think I can ever have chocolate milk again. At least not for a very, very, very long time.

Telling the Parents

Ever since I saw the ultra sound on Monday, I've been just dying to tell everyone. I know that it's still really early and I know there are still plenty of risks, but I just want to blab to everyone. After talking to Doug, we decided that instead of telling everyone, maybe we could start with just telling our parents. Maybe a few close friends after that. We decided to tell the parents this weekend.
We've been talking about it all week, how we're going to tell them, how they're going to react, all that stuff. We talked about buying something that says "World's Best Grandparents" and giving it to them and making them wonder, or guess. We talked about just casually dropping it in conversation, and seeing how they react. We're pretty sure that both sets of parents are going to be over the moon excited.

This morning finally arrived and after resting and relaxing for most of the morning, we decided to head out to my parent's house around 3. I gave up on the idea of taking a prop or a gift along because I couldn't find the right thing and I was starting to get really, really anxious/nervous. At the last minute we decided not to call ahead because we thought that one of us might tip them off. So we just showed up.

My mom answered the door and seemed surprised to see us (of course). She had been baking a cake and had just put it in the oven. Dad was not home. I covered quickly saying how we were running errands and were in the area and wondered if we could have dinner together. She wasn't sure when Dad would be home but encouraged us to come in and hang out for a bit. Nausea quickly hit me and I had to excuse myself. Must have been the nerves. I wasn’t sure what to do since Dad wasn't there. We couldn't just tell her without Dad. I panicked. How would we leave now? I didn't know what to do. After sitting in the kitchen and chatting for a while, the garage door went up and Dad was home. Perfect!

He was surprised to see us, too, but chatted with us for a while and eventually we all moved into the family room. As the conversation lulled, I announced the news. I think I said something about how we had some news we wanted to share and when they got really quiet, I said that we're going to have a baby. Dad didn't skip a beat, he jumped up out of his chair and hugged me. He teared up right away. Mom sat next to me and was very quiet. She put her hand on my leg and said something about how very happy she was. She commented how we brought her some much needed sunshine. I think she processes her emotions different. She had a huge smile on her face, but she was quiet. There were some questions then, about how far along we are, and when we're due. I showed them the ultrasound images, and we talked about how this will change our lives. Mom commented that she was 31 when she was pregnant for the first time. I didn't realize that. That's kind of cool. We talked for a while longer, and when the pound cake came out of the oven, Mom sliced us each a piece. After a while we said we should go and head over to the Snell's to tell them the news.

We owed the Snell's a check for our vacation in June, so Doug called and said we were in the area and we wanted to bring the check over. They were both home, and said that Doug's sister and her family were coming over soon as well. Perfect!

When we got to the Snell's they let us in and quickly we were absorbed in the chatter of the day. Chris showed me some new linens she purchased for her bed, and told me her plans to make new curtains. Doug sat in the family room with his Dad talking about computers…or something. We chatted about all the goings on of the neighborhood (their neighbor got a Dog) and things like that. Chris talked to me from across the room while Doug talked to his Dad. For a while I didn't think we were going to find a lull in the conversation and I didn't know what I would do. Would I have to blow a whistle? I don't know if I interrupted or what I did, but I finally somehow stopped the conversation and said "Well, before Jamie and Alison arrive, we have something we'd like to talk to you about". I looked at Doug thinking he was going to share the news, but he just nodded at me. So I blurted it out "We're going to have a baby". Chris had the best response! She jumped out of her chair like it was spring loaded and said "Holy Shit, no you're not". She looked like she was coming over to hug me but then she stopped in the middle of the room, looked at Doug Sr. and said how she had just said something about how God works in mysterious ways. She seemed like she was stuck, in shock or something. It was really endearing. I finally met her half way and hugged her. She sat back down then and said how she was just talking to our jeweler, Ray, about us. He had asked if we had children. She told him no, and he was so surprised. She told us that she responded that God works in mysterious ways. Around this time I realized we hadn't heard a peep from Doug Sr. so I looked in his direction. He's a little slower to react, I think he was still processing. After a bit he said that he wasn't surprised, that he thought this would be coming soon. When I asked him how he predicted that which nobody else could, he said that he "just knew". After a few moments passed he did say "wow" a couple times.

Chris was very anxious now, asking all kinds of questions. I showed both of them the ultrasound and explained how far along we are. After a while one of us wondered out loud where Jamie and Alison were. Chris said we should call them, but she couldn't call, she would give it away, she was too excited. This was very cute to watch, because she seemed to actually be sitting on her hands. She kept saying things like "a baby", "there's going to be a baby". Doug Sr. called Alison and we heard they were on the way but were still a while out. We were hungry, so we asked if we could get dinner. The Snell's offered to get pizza and a sandwich for everyone to share. The Doug's went to get it.

Around the time we finished eating, the Baxter's arrived. Jamie, Alison, Nathan, and Nicolas. We wrapped up our food and sat around talking with everyone. If I thought it was hard to find a lull in the conversation before - that was nothing. I had no idea how we were going to sort this out. Eight people in one room? No way. I don't know how he did it, but Doug found a quiet moment and cleared his throat. Then he asked Nathan and Nicholas if they'd soon be old enough and responsible enough to baby-sit their baby cousin. The boys looked at each other, confused. Then they looked at their mom, who also looked confused. "Which baby cousin?" someone asked. Then I don't even remember if it was Doug or I or where it came from, but we told them we were having a baby and they were going to have a baby cousin. Alison and Jamie congratulated us, and asked the usual questions about when we're due and such. I shared the ultrasound images with everyone, even the boys, who I think didn't quite know what to look for. We asked them if they wanted a boy or a girl cousin and they both shrugged. Eventually they went downstairs to play pinball and we all talked some more. Everyone was very excited. Jamie and Alison talked to me a lot about their experiences with both Nathan and Nicolas. I think I was just too young back then to have been involved. It was really interesting to hear what it was like for them.

Around 9:00, exhaustion set in and I was about to fall asleep sitting still, so I rounded up Doug and we headed out. What a day, we were filled with excitement.

First "Real" Appointment

Today I had my first "real" appointment at the doctor's office. This is the intake appointment. The appointment that everyone else has first. I ended up having Monday's appointment because of the slight bleeding I experienced, but this was the real first appointment. I met with the intake nurse, who was one of the sweetest people I've ever met. Her role was to give me a picture of what the next 7-8 months will be like and what I can expect. She told me about all the things I can and can't be doing and all the things I can and can't be eating/drinking. We talked about everything from soda to hair coloring. We talked about lotions, cat litter, artificial sweetners and everything in between. I learned so much. She told me to call her if I had any questions and she gave me a bag filled with free goodies like magazines, a book, vitamins and more. She asked that I have some more blood work done, a "pre-natal screening", she called it, and said I should do that in the next week. We talked about all kinds of things and an hour and a half later, we were done. This was a good appointment - I learned a lot!

The Ultrasound

I drove back through the blizzard (which was improving) to Woman's & Babies for my "Outpatient Services". First on the list was the ultrasound and next was blood work. I'm not sure which one I was more nervous about.

The technician quickly called me in for the ultrasound. The room was dimly lit and the bed was really comfortable, covered in real honest to goodness sheets instead of paper ones. The technician was very kind and spoke quietly. She made my nervousness completely disappear. She started the ultrasound and told me she'd be looking at the monitor for a while to check everything out and make sure everything was well. She told me she would move the monitor so I could see it later when she focused on "the pregnancy". She must have used the term "the pregnancy" four of five times. It occurred to me that she probably used that term instead of "the fetus" or "the baby" because they probably come across a lot of situations that are bad, where there is a problem. So I just tried to remain positive. Eventually when she found "the pregnancy", she moved the monitor so I could see. It was a really surreal feeling. She showed me the outline of the fetus, the head, the body, the little fins that would develop into arms and legs. It was so strange. I thought I might cry, but I didn't. I was in awe of my own body, I think. What a miracle. She told me the heartbeat was a strong 160 beats per minute and that everything looks good. She said I was approximately 7 weeks & 5 days. She put my due date around October 16. She made a quick call to my doctor and then handed the phone to me. My doctor said everything appears to be good and I should not be concerned. I still had to do the blood work but then I was done. She told me congratulations. I think I was in a fog. The technician handed me 3 print-outs of the ultrasound, with images of my little developing fetus.

The technician brought me back to the lobby where I was to wait until someone came for me to do my blood work. I became nervous again because it's always hard to find a vein in me. Getting blood from me is always a huge challenge and usually involves 5 or 6 painful needle sticks. I tried to pass the time by texting Doug and my best friend about the ultrasound. I looked at the images of the ultrasound again and again. I decided the fetus was roughly the same size and appearance as a candy Sour Patch Kid. I had some at home which is probably why I thought of it. The candies have big heads and small bodies with barley noticeable arms. That's it. Sour Patch Kid.

Eventually, a nurse came out to get me for my blood work. She was an older woman and I was thankful for that. At least she'd have experience on her side. I explained my difficulties and she said she was unconcerned. She told me I'd be fine. To my delight, she was right. She found a vein on the first try and it gave her 3 full tubes of blood. This never happens to me! I was thrilled. I told her I could kiss her. She told me the blood work was for something called an RH test. It would determine if my blood was RH negative or positive. Something about if my blood is negative and the baby's is positive then there could be a problem. I'm not entirely clear on all the details. I sat for a while to make sure I felt okay and eventually I left.

Thank you, God, that my blood test was easy and everything went well with the ultrasound. It was a surreal experience.

Told my boss. Figured it wasn't worth trying to skirt around all the appointments this week (today alone!). She was overjoyed and congratulated me over and over. She said she'll keep it under wraps between she and I until I tell her otherwise. She tells me it is wonderful and she's thrilled for me.

In other news - I'm headed out for the ultrasound.

I Met the Doctor!

Lots of paperwork - for real! And only about 15 minutes with the doctor.
The doctor was really nice, and laughed at my jokes. (Yes, my nervous joking came out of nowhere). I made a comment about how I'd never met her before and here I was waiting with no pants on. Then I said something about how she didn't even have to buy me a drink. She laughed, then apologized and introduced herself nicely and shook my hand. (I don't know why, but I appreciate it when Doctors do that - instead of assuming I know who they are). She wants me to have bloodwork and an ultrasound, stat.

She told me not to worry, that we're just finding out some information and we'll know more at the end of the day. She said she promises the day won't end without me knowing what's up. She said after the ultrasound and blood work the hospital will call her and then she'll call me. She was very nice.

So I have a 1pm appointment to go back and get the bloodwork and ultrasound. Not looking forward to dropping my drawers again, but I guess it could be worse.

I called the doctor this morning to fill them in. They were really nice about it but they said that I should have called or paged them right away. (Um…haven't even had my first appointment yet, how would I know to "page" them?) Thankfully she was really nice and said she wanted to see me right away to get some bloodwork done. She said something about different blood types and RH negative and how they would have given me a shot or something.

She said they can see me at 11:15. She also said she'd like me to come about 1/2 hour early so I can fill out all the paperwork (yikes!).

It's a blizzard here today, of course, so she told me to be safe. I'll be as careful as I can, but I do want to be seen. I sincerely hope this is nothing and it's minor. I just don't know. I'm worried.

This is a whole new world for me.

No more blood. Still somewhat scared, but thinking positive. Took it easy again today.

No more blood. Still a little scared though. Took it easy and napped and watched TV a lot today. Went out to Fuddruckers for a juicy burger and fries tonight. (Craving?)

Talked to my doctor friend. She made it sound like she was very worried about the blood, although the fact that it hasn't returned is good. Suggested that if there's any more blood I should go to the ER right away. If not, I should still call my doc Monday to report it.

Keepin' It Real (don't read this post if you don't want to know graphic details):

Not really sure how graphic to make this blog. I know I want to eventually share this with friends and family when I'm ready to tell them the news, but I'm not sure if I want to be really graphic about what's happening to me. Let's say that if you don't want to know graphic things - then don't read this posting, okay? I'm entering it a couple days after the fact, but it freaked me out, so I'm posting it. There - I decided.

I went to the bathroom after work, before heading home. I noticed some blood. I freaked out a little bit but tried not to let it get to me. Doug was out with friends and I didn't want to worry him. Called my doctor friend. She's not answering, but I kept my voicemail calm just asking her to call. Checked a bazallion websites to find out what it might mean. Different websites say different things. One says that I shouldn't be concerned unless I bleed for 24 hours. Another says any blood is cause for concern. Don't know what to think. I haven't found anymore blood since right after work, so I tried to be calm.

I freaked out at poor Doug when he got home. Cried like a crazy woman, sobbing uncontrollably. Poor Doug. Pregnancy hormones are not to be messed with. His advice is to go to bed and things will be fresh in the morning. Good advice.

The smell of pepperoni is permeating throughout the office (we're serving Pepperoni Pockets today). I think I'm feeling nauseous for the first time.

Thank God for small miracles!

I called a doctor this morning, the one I want to go to - the one that my good friend suggested. (It's an all woman practice). They wouldn't let me in because they don't know when I'm due and they have a waiting list and will only accept patients who are due in months that aren't full yet. They told me I need to go to my family doctor and request an ultrasound so a due date can be determined. Then, I should call them back to see if they can fit me in.

I was so upset I thought I'd cry. I held it together and called my family practice. They told me that they don't do that, that it's highly unusual for them to order an ultrasound instead of an OB/GYN - and furthermore, they reminded me that I haven't been in for an appointment since 2005. (For real?!). So it sounds like she didn't want anything to do with me.

I called the OB back, I pled ignorance. I said I don't know what to do and I'm confused because I know I need to see a doctor but nobody will have me. I think she took pity on me. She asked me to "guestimate" when my last period was, so I did. Then she said "That would put your due date in October, and we have openings in October. Let's schedule you right away".

Thank GOD!!!!! I have an appointment!!!!! Two actually. I have my first appointment scheduled with a "pre-natal nurse" and my first doctor appointment for an ultrasound.

Thank God for small miracles!

Been trying to casually ask friends about their OB. If they recommend them, etc. Keep saying it's for a friend of mine who just found out she's preggers. I think they buy it. People are so used to me saying I don't want kids that they don't even balk.

I know I need to get in with a doctor, but nobody knows me and lots of places have waiting lists. What's up with that. Like "Oh, you're already pregnant - sorry - you should have put your name on our waiting list 6 months ago". Or "When are you due? We have openings for due dates in October, November and December". How about "I have no idea when I'm due?!". Yeah - they don't like that response.

Am I really that irresponsible?

Determined that manual labor is in fact a part of my job. Just moved 5 tables and 15 chairs into a conference room to set up for a meeting. I was slow and careful, but thinking the whole time that as things progress I might need to get help for things like this.

Lost my temper and nearly cried when I couldn't get the foil seal off the top of my apple juice bottle this morning. Hollered and cursed. What's up with that?

Also, the pregnancy book says I should eat a balanced breakfast. This morning I had a bottle of apple juice, a glazed donut and a McDonald's hash brown. That's balanced, right?

Cried at television commercial this morning. Commercial showed young boy and his dog. Clearly something is wrong with me. Pregnancy hormones I guess.

Slept in today. Getting used to the idea of being pregnant. Surreal.

After sleeping for about 5 hours, I got up and took another pregnancy test, just to be sure. Positive again. Told Doug about the news. He is very happy, but not sure why I'm upset. I think it's the headache clouding my judgement. And hormones.

Splitting headache. Migraine. Going home at 3pm to go to bed. Head splitting! Pain is horrible!

Haven't told anyone yet, Doug got home too late last night for me to tell him. Probably tonight.

Been feeling strange, don't know when my last period was, I stopped keeping track. I took a pregnancy test tonight. Holy crap. I'm pregnant. Doug is at Poker. Holy crap. Holy crap. Holy crap.