No more blood. Still a little scared though. Took it easy and napped and watched TV a lot today. Went out to Fuddruckers for a juicy burger and fries tonight. (Craving?)

Talked to my doctor friend. She made it sound like she was very worried about the blood, although the fact that it hasn't returned is good. Suggested that if there's any more blood I should go to the ER right away. If not, I should still call my doc Monday to report it.

Keepin' It Real (don't read this post if you don't want to know graphic details):

Not really sure how graphic to make this blog. I know I want to eventually share this with friends and family when I'm ready to tell them the news, but I'm not sure if I want to be really graphic about what's happening to me. Let's say that if you don't want to know graphic things - then don't read this posting, okay? I'm entering it a couple days after the fact, but it freaked me out, so I'm posting it. There - I decided.

I went to the bathroom after work, before heading home. I noticed some blood. I freaked out a little bit but tried not to let it get to me. Doug was out with friends and I didn't want to worry him. Called my doctor friend. She's not answering, but I kept my voicemail calm just asking her to call. Checked a bazallion websites to find out what it might mean. Different websites say different things. One says that I shouldn't be concerned unless I bleed for 24 hours. Another says any blood is cause for concern. Don't know what to think. I haven't found anymore blood since right after work, so I tried to be calm.

I freaked out at poor Doug when he got home. Cried like a crazy woman, sobbing uncontrollably. Poor Doug. Pregnancy hormones are not to be messed with. His advice is to go to bed and things will be fresh in the morning. Good advice.

The smell of pepperoni is permeating throughout the office (we're serving Pepperoni Pockets today). I think I'm feeling nauseous for the first time.

Thank God for small miracles!

I called a doctor this morning, the one I want to go to - the one that my good friend suggested. (It's an all woman practice). They wouldn't let me in because they don't know when I'm due and they have a waiting list and will only accept patients who are due in months that aren't full yet. They told me I need to go to my family doctor and request an ultrasound so a due date can be determined. Then, I should call them back to see if they can fit me in.

I was so upset I thought I'd cry. I held it together and called my family practice. They told me that they don't do that, that it's highly unusual for them to order an ultrasound instead of an OB/GYN - and furthermore, they reminded me that I haven't been in for an appointment since 2005. (For real?!). So it sounds like she didn't want anything to do with me.

I called the OB back, I pled ignorance. I said I don't know what to do and I'm confused because I know I need to see a doctor but nobody will have me. I think she took pity on me. She asked me to "guestimate" when my last period was, so I did. Then she said "That would put your due date in October, and we have openings in October. Let's schedule you right away".

Thank GOD!!!!! I have an appointment!!!!! Two actually. I have my first appointment scheduled with a "pre-natal nurse" and my first doctor appointment for an ultrasound.

Thank God for small miracles!

Been trying to casually ask friends about their OB. If they recommend them, etc. Keep saying it's for a friend of mine who just found out she's preggers. I think they buy it. People are so used to me saying I don't want kids that they don't even balk.

I know I need to get in with a doctor, but nobody knows me and lots of places have waiting lists. What's up with that. Like "Oh, you're already pregnant - sorry - you should have put your name on our waiting list 6 months ago". Or "When are you due? We have openings for due dates in October, November and December". How about "I have no idea when I'm due?!". Yeah - they don't like that response.

Am I really that irresponsible?

Determined that manual labor is in fact a part of my job. Just moved 5 tables and 15 chairs into a conference room to set up for a meeting. I was slow and careful, but thinking the whole time that as things progress I might need to get help for things like this.

Lost my temper and nearly cried when I couldn't get the foil seal off the top of my apple juice bottle this morning. Hollered and cursed. What's up with that?

Also, the pregnancy book says I should eat a balanced breakfast. This morning I had a bottle of apple juice, a glazed donut and a McDonald's hash brown. That's balanced, right?

Cried at television commercial this morning. Commercial showed young boy and his dog. Clearly something is wrong with me. Pregnancy hormones I guess.

Slept in today. Getting used to the idea of being pregnant. Surreal.

After sleeping for about 5 hours, I got up and took another pregnancy test, just to be sure. Positive again. Told Doug about the news. He is very happy, but not sure why I'm upset. I think it's the headache clouding my judgement. And hormones.

Splitting headache. Migraine. Going home at 3pm to go to bed. Head splitting! Pain is horrible!

Haven't told anyone yet, Doug got home too late last night for me to tell him. Probably tonight.

Been feeling strange, don't know when my last period was, I stopped keeping track. I took a pregnancy test tonight. Holy crap. I'm pregnant. Doug is at Poker. Holy crap. Holy crap. Holy crap.