Another item to add to the rebound list: dry Golden Grahams cereal.
Total food intake today, 2 McD's hash browns and 2 saltine crackers. I'm sad, and tired. Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow is April Fool's Day, the day I've decided to tell all my FaceBook friends and Twitter followers that I'm pregnant. This of course means I'm telling my co-workers, too. I'm excited to see what everyone has to say. Inevitably, there will be people who don't believe it, but that's just part of the fun. Goodnight.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Dreams and McD's
Last night I dreamt I was walking through the supermarket alone. I had a cart, and I was pushing it through every aisle. Periodically I'd pick something off the shelf and look at it. Then I'd sit it back on the shelf and keep walking. In the dream I felt this overwhelming desire for fresh watermelon. There wasn't any in the produce area, except for a small plastic tub of cut up pieces, which looked like it was 3 weeks old. It wasn't bright pink at all, it was grayish pink with a cloudy film on it. There was a bench in the produce area and I curled up on the bench and cried. I woke up thinking that it's really bad when I can't even eat in my dreams.
This morning I decided to treat my nausea like a hang-over. Everybody knows the best cure for a hang-over stomach is a greasy breakfast, usually McDonald's. So I pulled into the drive through and ordered the only thing I thought I'd be able to stomach, two hash browns and a small sweet tea. Now, I know there's caffeine in sweet tea, but I was feeling so weak and sick I decided I needed it. Don't judge me! Surely a small cup couldn't hurt anything. Well, when I drove around for my order the cup they gave me was the size of a lake. I told the woman that I had ordered a small. She smiled and said "This is the only size for a sweet tea". Well, there you have it. I'm going to hell. The tea was so delicious I thought I had gone to heaven. No, I was not able to discipline myself to drink a small amount and throw the rest away. No way. It was too good. The first few bites of the hash browns were iffy, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to eat both of them, but by the time I finished the first one and it's greasy goodness had hit my stomach, there was no turning back. I prayed I wouldn't get sick, and thankfully, I didn't. Hopefully I'll find something for lunch that won't make me ill.
This morning I decided to treat my nausea like a hang-over. Everybody knows the best cure for a hang-over stomach is a greasy breakfast, usually McDonald's. So I pulled into the drive through and ordered the only thing I thought I'd be able to stomach, two hash browns and a small sweet tea. Now, I know there's caffeine in sweet tea, but I was feeling so weak and sick I decided I needed it. Don't judge me! Surely a small cup couldn't hurt anything. Well, when I drove around for my order the cup they gave me was the size of a lake. I told the woman that I had ordered a small. She smiled and said "This is the only size for a sweet tea". Well, there you have it. I'm going to hell. The tea was so delicious I thought I had gone to heaven. No, I was not able to discipline myself to drink a small amount and throw the rest away. No way. It was too good. The first few bites of the hash browns were iffy, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to eat both of them, but by the time I finished the first one and it's greasy goodness had hit my stomach, there was no turning back. I prayed I wouldn't get sick, and thankfully, I didn't. Hopefully I'll find something for lunch that won't make me ill.
Monday, March 30, 2009
On the rebound.
Two more items to add to the list of foods I've tasted on the rebound:
Peanut butter and marshmallow crackers (these were my dinner) and a fresh pear (this was my attempt at eating something, anything, even though I was already sick). I feel hopeless. It seems like there's nothing I can eat, but I'm starving, and I'm feeling weak.
Peanut butter and marshmallow crackers (these were my dinner) and a fresh pear (this was my attempt at eating something, anything, even though I was already sick). I feel hopeless. It seems like there's nothing I can eat, but I'm starving, and I'm feeling weak.
Tornado hits Clay Twp.
Last night we were visiting my in-laws for my brother in-law's birthday dinner. As we arrived we heard a tornado warning on the radio. It was for a county that's about 45 minutes away but I still got a little nervous. My poor dog is deathly afraid of thunderstorms and pants and cries for hours. I was worried about her. Doug and I crossed our fingers it would miss Lancaster and we headed in to see the family. Within minutes of coming in and chatting with Chris and Doug, the sky began to darken. Then an alert came on the television about a tornado warning, this time in our area, headed right for us. The newscaster suggested we seek cover in a basement. I was starting to feel anxious so when Doug Sr. suggested we all go downstairs I agreed. We headed down into the basement and turned on the TV down there. Within minutes, Doug's sister and her family arrived. They all came down with us. The guys were going up and down the stairs to look out the windows, and I kept trying to tell Doug to stay down with me.
We all hung out in the basement for a while and then the rain hit. It was wicked, the rain was coming down like a sheet and then the hail started. Somewhere in the course of events, the power went out. The hail was falling, and it was loud. It was big, too, and it had me pretty scared. (I was worried about my car, outside on the street, and about our house and especially about Rogue at home).
After a while when it passed and became light outside again, we all came upstairs and investigated the damage. The lawn and street was covered in hail. You couldn't even see the grass. Across the street the neighbors were shoveling the hail with a snow shovel. I'm not sure why. Maybe they needed something to do. It's not like they won't melt in an hour. The entire neighborhood was without power, but in true boy-scout fashion, Doug Sr. is prepared for anything (I swear, even a nuclear fallout) and has a generator at the ready. Before we could get hungry, he hooked up the generator and had all the major appliances running. Dinner would not be a problem. Oh yeah, the lights and TV were on, too. Of course. While Chris prepared the meal, the boy's busied themselves with talking about the storm and Doug went outside to grill the chicken. Grilling the chicken involved talking to the neighbors who were all curious about why our television was working and we have no power.
This is about when I started to feel ill. I wouldn't describe it as nausea, it felt different. It felt a little like I was having cramps, but it wasn't more than one, it was like one long dull cramp. I asked Doug to get me something bland to eat, and he brought me some hard pretzels. I crunched on them but it didn't go away. I just stayed on the recliner and tried to relax. When dinner rolled around I decided it must be hunger so I filled my plate and ate plenty. Grilled chicken seemed pretty safe, so did a baked potato. It was delicious, I ate every bite and even dug in for Chris's homemade applesauce. After dinner, when we started to clear the plates, I really felt sore. This crampy feeling just wasn't going away. I went to the bathroom and did what I always seem to do after a meal lately, I threw up. I stayed there for a while, and tried to clear my head. Maybe I just had a stomach-ache. I came out then and told Doug I needed to lay down. I went to the guest room and laid there and cried. I hate feeling sick, and I'm so tired of not being able to eat. It's gnawing away at me. After crying for a bit I decided to call my best friend, my doctor friend, she always has good advice. She seemed concerned about the cramp (cramps?) and suggested I call my OB right away. I took her advice. I paged the doctor on call who called me back immediately. When I described how I felt she told me to try to relax, and stay hydrated, she suggested that the crampy feeling is probably gas. (Boy did I feel stupid). She suggested that as long as there's no blood then she's sure it's nothing. If I were to find any blood I should call her immediately but for now I should try a Gas-X or some Tums and try to relax. I felt relieved, but still crampy. After I composed myself I finally went to join the rest of the family who was kind enough not to ask a million questions. Chris suggested maybe I had anxiety from the storm. This is very possible.
We had dessert then, Dove Chocolate brownies, and Jamie opened his gifts. I was still feeling sore/crampy but I put on a good face. After dessert I asked if we could go home. The power was still out (although, with the generator you'd never know) and I was worried about Rogue at home. The whole ride home I was in pain. It was really flaring up and I just wanted to lie down. As soon as we pulled in the garage I ran inside and (surprise!) threw up again. This time it was dessert. I took two Gas-X and went to bed. I'm feeling moderately better today. Still no food to speak of, and I couldn't bring myself to eat any lunch today.
We all hung out in the basement for a while and then the rain hit. It was wicked, the rain was coming down like a sheet and then the hail started. Somewhere in the course of events, the power went out. The hail was falling, and it was loud. It was big, too, and it had me pretty scared. (I was worried about my car, outside on the street, and about our house and especially about Rogue at home).
After a while when it passed and became light outside again, we all came upstairs and investigated the damage. The lawn and street was covered in hail. You couldn't even see the grass. Across the street the neighbors were shoveling the hail with a snow shovel. I'm not sure why. Maybe they needed something to do. It's not like they won't melt in an hour. The entire neighborhood was without power, but in true boy-scout fashion, Doug Sr. is prepared for anything (I swear, even a nuclear fallout) and has a generator at the ready. Before we could get hungry, he hooked up the generator and had all the major appliances running. Dinner would not be a problem. Oh yeah, the lights and TV were on, too. Of course. While Chris prepared the meal, the boy's busied themselves with talking about the storm and Doug went outside to grill the chicken. Grilling the chicken involved talking to the neighbors who were all curious about why our television was working and we have no power.
This is about when I started to feel ill. I wouldn't describe it as nausea, it felt different. It felt a little like I was having cramps, but it wasn't more than one, it was like one long dull cramp. I asked Doug to get me something bland to eat, and he brought me some hard pretzels. I crunched on them but it didn't go away. I just stayed on the recliner and tried to relax. When dinner rolled around I decided it must be hunger so I filled my plate and ate plenty. Grilled chicken seemed pretty safe, so did a baked potato. It was delicious, I ate every bite and even dug in for Chris's homemade applesauce. After dinner, when we started to clear the plates, I really felt sore. This crampy feeling just wasn't going away. I went to the bathroom and did what I always seem to do after a meal lately, I threw up. I stayed there for a while, and tried to clear my head. Maybe I just had a stomach-ache. I came out then and told Doug I needed to lay down. I went to the guest room and laid there and cried. I hate feeling sick, and I'm so tired of not being able to eat. It's gnawing away at me. After crying for a bit I decided to call my best friend, my doctor friend, she always has good advice. She seemed concerned about the cramp (cramps?) and suggested I call my OB right away. I took her advice. I paged the doctor on call who called me back immediately. When I described how I felt she told me to try to relax, and stay hydrated, she suggested that the crampy feeling is probably gas. (Boy did I feel stupid). She suggested that as long as there's no blood then she's sure it's nothing. If I were to find any blood I should call her immediately but for now I should try a Gas-X or some Tums and try to relax. I felt relieved, but still crampy. After I composed myself I finally went to join the rest of the family who was kind enough not to ask a million questions. Chris suggested maybe I had anxiety from the storm. This is very possible.
We had dessert then, Dove Chocolate brownies, and Jamie opened his gifts. I was still feeling sore/crampy but I put on a good face. After dessert I asked if we could go home. The power was still out (although, with the generator you'd never know) and I was worried about Rogue at home. The whole ride home I was in pain. It was really flaring up and I just wanted to lie down. As soon as we pulled in the garage I ran inside and (surprise!) threw up again. This time it was dessert. I took two Gas-X and went to bed. I'm feeling moderately better today. Still no food to speak of, and I couldn't bring myself to eat any lunch today.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Super Doppler?
Today was another appointment at the OB. Doug came along with me because I thought I would be getting an ultrasound. As it turns out, I did, but it wasn't actually part of the plan for the day. I met a new doctor today, the second doctor in the practice who I've met. She was awesome. Right away I knew I would like her. We talked about everything, including some issues I've had in the past with potential blood clots and some issues I've had with vasculitis. She was very open and friendly and answered all my questions. After the initial part of my exam, she said she was going to try to listen to the baby's heart beat using a small machine that she called a "doppler" machine. It looked like a little tape recorder with a detachable microphone. I was laying down, so I didn't see a lot. Doug had to explain it to me after the fact. The doctor pressed the little microphone contraption onto the surface of my lower stomach and moved around trying to hear the baby. As she moved around and pressed harder, it became extremely uncomfortable. Actually, I don't think uncomfortable describes it. It hurt, bad. I was laying there, gripping the table and almost crying, that's how bad it hurt. The doctor was focusing on what she was doing and clearly she didn't notice that I was in pain. After a while I finally managed to whimper a question out "is it supposed to be this uncomfortable?". Immediately she stopped what she was doing and put down the machine. She moved so she was at my face and apologized in the most sincere voice. She honestly sounded very sorry and compassionate. I don't know why, but that compassion put me over the edge. I felt completely vulnerable and for some reason, started to cry. As the tears streamed from my face I was so completely embarrassed. I attempted a joke about how if I thought this was painful then I better get used to it because child birth is going to be torture. She stayed right at my side and held my arm. She told me that's not true, that there's no reason why child birth has to be a torturous experience. She said there's no reason I should ever endure pain and I should always communicate what I'm feeling rather than suffering in silence. I agreed. She helped me sit up then and held my hands. She was so compassionate I just wanted to hug her. I still felt totally vulnerable and wanted to crack a joke to get my control back. Why do I do this? I finally blurted out that the doppler probably wouldn’t have been so hard on a skinny girl, it's just that she had a lot of fat to press through. She took my hands again and said that had nothing to do with it, the baby is simply very tiny and hard to locate, it has nothing to do with the size of the mother. More compassion, I really liked this doctor, if only I could get used to being vulnerable around her instead of grasping for control. She explained that because she was unable to hear the heart beat with the doppler (which was no problem, it's still really early and the baby is really small), she would instead have to send me for an ultrasound to detect the heartbeat. Once I was back at the desk to check-out, the woman at the desk made an appointment for me to come back for the ultrasound at the Outpatient Services area. This would take place at 4:00 pm, so Doug agreed to come back and meet me for that.
We both went to work and then met around 4 for the ultrasound. The nurse brought us back to the room and performed the ultrasound. She was very thorough and once she completed she turned the monitor so I could see. This was just as fascinating as my first ultrasound, but this time Doug was there to see it, too. The baby was somewhat more defined than the last Ultrasound, but it was still hard to define much in the image. The nurse called my doctor to explain everything I saw and then came in and handed me the phone so I could talk to the doctor. The doctor I met with the first time was on the line this time, and she explained that everything looked good and the baby's heartbeat is strong. She said there was a minor complication that was found. Apparently I have a small "hematoma" near the sack which could potentially rupture causing me to bleed a little at some point. She expressed that it's very common and I should not be concerned. She said it should not have any adverse effects on the baby or on me. This is good news.
With that, the nurse gave us a new ultrasound print out and sent us on our way. Wow, what a day.
We both went to work and then met around 4 for the ultrasound. The nurse brought us back to the room and performed the ultrasound. She was very thorough and once she completed she turned the monitor so I could see. This was just as fascinating as my first ultrasound, but this time Doug was there to see it, too. The baby was somewhat more defined than the last Ultrasound, but it was still hard to define much in the image. The nurse called my doctor to explain everything I saw and then came in and handed me the phone so I could talk to the doctor. The doctor I met with the first time was on the line this time, and she explained that everything looked good and the baby's heartbeat is strong. She said there was a minor complication that was found. Apparently I have a small "hematoma" near the sack which could potentially rupture causing me to bleed a little at some point. She expressed that it's very common and I should not be concerned. She said it should not have any adverse effects on the baby or on me. This is good news.
With that, the nurse gave us a new ultrasound print out and sent us on our way. Wow, what a day.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
The coolest gifts!
My friend Allyson sent me the coolest gifts from a website called PerpetualKid.com. It's her favorite website so when I saw that's where the box was from I knew immediately it was from her. When I opened the package I found the cutest books and a pack of little finger monsters (they're adorable, but I'm thinking they're more for Doug). The books - in a word - hysterical! The books are a totally sarcastic version of the sappy lovey-dovey baby books you see almost everywhere. One book is called "Oh Crap, I'm Pregnant" - it's the best of all. Another is a sarcastic book about how to handle your baby, with images showing you the right and wrong things to do. The images for the "wrong" things to do, are hysterical - things you would never imagine doing. It's very funny. That one has a little wheel with an arrow on the top (like a game piece) and when you spin the arrow it comes to rest on either "mom" or "dad". It's called the "Wheel of Responsibility". They suggest you use it to determine who has to handle the middle of the night feedings, diaper changes and vomit patrol. It's very funny. The last book is an activity book for the parents to use during your child's first year. One activity said something like "Now that your baby is 6 months old, your brain has completely gone to goo, you can barley sustain adult conversation - see how many words you can jot down with 5 syllables or more". These books are the kind of sarcastic humor I love, and Allyson knows it. She's awesome.
Thank you, Allyson!
Thank you, Allyson!
Monday, March 23, 2009
Animal Crackers
I bought them at the supermarket on a whim yesterday, because my hairdresser told me they helped ease her nausea when she was pregnant. I'm not normally a big animal cracker fan, I think they're actually pretty tasteless. Clearly I've never had Barnum's brand before. They're awesome. They're perfect for breakfast, lunch or dinner - and they might just be my breakfast, lunch and dinner, if I can't stomach anything else today.
I had a hair appointment this weekend, so I got to drop the news on my hairdresser and all my friends at the salon. Karen was getting ready to mix up my color and I was like "wait, I have a question first". She assumed I wanted to change color so we all looked at Kelly, my stylist. So then I said to Kelly "Is your hair color safe for pregnant women"? She was so happy I think she was going to cry. She was like "I knew it, I knew it". I'm not sure how she knew it, but everyone says she has a sixth sense about pregnancy. I would have been pregnant last time I saw her, but I didn't know it at the time. She said that after my last appointment she told the other girls that I was pregnant.
I also had the pleasure of telling my cousin, Joel, the news, and my Aunt Nancy as well. I love my long talks with Joel, when we have each other's undivided attention. And I always love talking to Aunt Nancy. I was glad I could share the news with them.
This week I have an appointment on Friday where I'll have another ultrasound. Doug is planning to come along for this one. I'm looking forward to it. I need to start making my list of questions for the doctor.
For now, I'll finish my baggie of animal crackers.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
All Day Sickness
Remember last week when I said that 7:30 to 8:30 was my danger hour, the time that I could be sick at any moment? I think I'm being punished for writing that. Ever since then I'm sick all day long. It lingers with me throughout the day, just waiting for the wrong smell or wrong thought to cross my path. All the sudden I'll be sick. The worst part is that I am basically starving all day long - but I just can't think of anything I could eat that won't make me sick. Banana popsicles seem to be my only solace, but they're not enough. I don't know how much longer I can put up with this. Nothing appeals to me, but I am so hungry!
I feel like I have the flu. You know that feeling you get when you have the flu really bad and you haven't had anything except gingerale and chicken soup for two days? You feel weak from a lack of food and from all the vomiting. You feel weak from…well, the flu virus. I feel like that. I guess it's not quite as bad as the flu because I'm not fighting off a fever or anything, but I basically feel weak all over. Like I could crawl into a corner with a blanket and fall asleep for hours. I'm sleeping for almost 9 hours a night, but it's just not enough. I'm tired all day. I suppose I might feel a little more energized if I could actually eat something substantial. Something more than crackers or popsicles.
Hopefully this will pass soon.
I feel like I have the flu. You know that feeling you get when you have the flu really bad and you haven't had anything except gingerale and chicken soup for two days? You feel weak from a lack of food and from all the vomiting. You feel weak from…well, the flu virus. I feel like that. I guess it's not quite as bad as the flu because I'm not fighting off a fever or anything, but I basically feel weak all over. Like I could crawl into a corner with a blanket and fall asleep for hours. I'm sleeping for almost 9 hours a night, but it's just not enough. I'm tired all day. I suppose I might feel a little more energized if I could actually eat something substantial. Something more than crackers or popsicles.
Hopefully this will pass soon.
Starbucks!
I would do just about anything right now for a Starbucks White Chocolate Mocha. I'm really missing my morning coffee. Don't get me wrong, the apple juice is good, but it's just not the same. My sense of smell is so accute that I can smell when people walking by my desk with coffee, and I can decipher when it has cream or not. It's like my nose is bionic or something.
Starbucks, I miss you!!!!
Starbucks, I miss you!!!!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Exhaustion
Board meeting today. I was up at the crack of dawn to get into work and set up. Coffee, pastery, juices, bagels, yogert, granola, etc. Meeting was 8:00 - 12:00. After the meeting I had dishes to wash and food to put away. These are things that I really like to do (hospitality) however, I am now completely and totally exhausted. Things that were never difficult are suddenly taking a toll on my body. I have a backache and I feel completely spent. This baby is exhausting me!
Coworker just mentioned that I seem to be losing weight, looking thinner. What?!
I didn't mention that I feel fatter than I ever have in my entire life.
Coworker just mentioned that I seem to be losing weight, looking thinner. What?!
I didn't mention that I feel fatter than I ever have in my entire life.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Blood from a stone?
I was back to the hospital this afternoon to see if the nurse could get blood from a stone. I had the original nurse today, the one who was able to get a vein on the first try last time. She remembered me, and she remembered where she got blood. She went in and didn't get it on the first try, but she stayed in, and moved the needle around a bit until she found the vein. I gave her 6 full vials! I was so relieved, I thought I would cry. I told her I'd be asking for her if I have to endure any more blood work through my pregnancy. She was very kind.
In other news. I've determined that from roughly 7:30 - 8:30pm is my danger hour. This seems to be the time of day when I feel like I could toss my cookies at any moment. Any smell can be dangerous. I've made Doug aware that the buffalo chicken dip is off limits for at least the next 9 months - if not forever. It seems like I just can't eat dinner. I can eat lunch, and feel good for lunch and through the day, but in the evening I can't seem to eat anything without it being a threat. Banana popsicles are my only friend.
In other news. I've determined that from roughly 7:30 - 8:30pm is my danger hour. This seems to be the time of day when I feel like I could toss my cookies at any moment. Any smell can be dangerous. I've made Doug aware that the buffalo chicken dip is off limits for at least the next 9 months - if not forever. It seems like I just can't eat dinner. I can eat lunch, and feel good for lunch and through the day, but in the evening I can't seem to eat anything without it being a threat. Banana popsicles are my only friend.
Glitz & Glamour
Had lunch with a really good friend who used to work with me but left the company to go back to school. I told her the news Monday, along with a couple other near and dear friends. She immediately wanted to get together to chat. She's so sweet. It was hard to keep it to a one hour lunch but we did good.
She showed up at Rachel's Crepery (my choice), with two fancy gift bags. Inside one is a book, "The Yummy Mummy Manefesto (Baby, Beauty, Balance and Bliss)". It's a totally cute book, while breezing through I even read a line about being Pregnant in Prada. Totally fashionable. She's so sweet. In the other bag was hemorrhoid cream, laxatives, and Beano. She said "Pregnancy isn't all glitz and glamour". She cracks me up.
Glamour agenda for later today - head back to the hospital for the blood work that couldn't be done yesterday. Try not to become a pin cushion (again).
She showed up at Rachel's Crepery (my choice), with two fancy gift bags. Inside one is a book, "The Yummy Mummy Manefesto (Baby, Beauty, Balance and Bliss)". It's a totally cute book, while breezing through I even read a line about being Pregnant in Prada. Totally fashionable. She's so sweet. In the other bag was hemorrhoid cream, laxatives, and Beano. She said "Pregnancy isn't all glitz and glamour". She cracks me up.
Glamour agenda for later today - head back to the hospital for the blood work that couldn't be done yesterday. Try not to become a pin cushion (again).
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Pin Cushion
It's been almost a week since my intake appointment when the nurse asked me to have blood work done in a week, so I decided I better take care of that. I've been dreading this since I am afraid I won't get the same person as last time and I'll become a pin cushion. I decided to go tonight after work since they're open until 6:00 pm. I left the office at 5:00 exactly. I arrived at Outpatient Services at 5:20. I didn't leave to go home until 6:30.
My first nurse seemed very unsure of herself, she was pressing around my arm so deeply I thought she'd leave black and blue marks. She complained that she couldn't find anything. She tried both arms and eventually attempted something on my left arm. She missed. There was nothing there. She called another nurse. This nurse was much friendlier and seemed more sure of herself. She felt all over both arms and hands before attempting anything. She didn't feel anything strong enough. She suggested we try the veins at the base of my wrist. This scared me a little because nobody had ever done this before, no matter how desperate to find a vein they've been. I agreed to it since she said it was fine. She tried both my wrists. She couldn't get anything more than a couple drips. She tried the top of my hand. Again, a couple drips. The first nurse came back, she tried another spot. No luck. I wanted to get this done and overwith, so I suggested they keep trying. I tried to be a good sport. Eventually, several sticks later, they gave up. They asked me to come back tomorrow. Tomorrow the woman will be on duty who was able to get me last time in one try. The nurses were both very friendly and apologized for not being able to get anything. Of course, I told them it's not their fault, it's my veins, and how they're hidden so deep. They gave me juice and left me sit for a bit while they cleaned up to close up for the night. My arms ached, my wrists ached, and even the top of my hand ached. I felt so bad. I know it's out of my contrul but I felt so bad. I just wanted to cry.
When I got home I was plesantly surprised to see that Doug stopped at a supermarket out of our way (Elizabethtown) to find the popsicles I've been craving for a week now. We couldn't find them at any grocery stores in our area, but I heard from my boss that they had them at Darrenkamps. Doug stopped on his way home from work at a Darrenkamps, and bought me two boxes of Banana popsycles. They're exactly what I needed. It's all I could eat tonight. My stomach is so upset. I cried and cried tonight. Upset about my wrists and how they hurt, and about not being able to give blood for the blood tests. This hormonal stuff is really annoying.
My first nurse seemed very unsure of herself, she was pressing around my arm so deeply I thought she'd leave black and blue marks. She complained that she couldn't find anything. She tried both arms and eventually attempted something on my left arm. She missed. There was nothing there. She called another nurse. This nurse was much friendlier and seemed more sure of herself. She felt all over both arms and hands before attempting anything. She didn't feel anything strong enough. She suggested we try the veins at the base of my wrist. This scared me a little because nobody had ever done this before, no matter how desperate to find a vein they've been. I agreed to it since she said it was fine. She tried both my wrists. She couldn't get anything more than a couple drips. She tried the top of my hand. Again, a couple drips. The first nurse came back, she tried another spot. No luck. I wanted to get this done and overwith, so I suggested they keep trying. I tried to be a good sport. Eventually, several sticks later, they gave up. They asked me to come back tomorrow. Tomorrow the woman will be on duty who was able to get me last time in one try. The nurses were both very friendly and apologized for not being able to get anything. Of course, I told them it's not their fault, it's my veins, and how they're hidden so deep. They gave me juice and left me sit for a bit while they cleaned up to close up for the night. My arms ached, my wrists ached, and even the top of my hand ached. I felt so bad. I know it's out of my contrul but I felt so bad. I just wanted to cry.
When I got home I was plesantly surprised to see that Doug stopped at a supermarket out of our way (Elizabethtown) to find the popsicles I've been craving for a week now. We couldn't find them at any grocery stores in our area, but I heard from my boss that they had them at Darrenkamps. Doug stopped on his way home from work at a Darrenkamps, and bought me two boxes of Banana popsycles. They're exactly what I needed. It's all I could eat tonight. My stomach is so upset. I cried and cried tonight. Upset about my wrists and how they hurt, and about not being able to give blood for the blood tests. This hormonal stuff is really annoying.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Morning sickness = misnomer
First serious bout with "morning" sickness tonight around 7:30pm (the nurse told me the term was really a misnomer because it could come at any time of day). It was BAD! I have a bad stomach, I throw up a lot - but I don't think I've ever experienced anything like that before. Not a flu, not a migraine, nothing. That was horrible. I thought I might have black and blue marks under my eyes from that. I don't think I can ever have chocolate milk again. At least not for a very, very, very long time.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Telling the Parents
Ever since I saw the ultra sound on Monday, I've been just dying to tell everyone. I know that it's still really early and I know there are still plenty of risks, but I just want to blab to everyone. After talking to Doug, we decided that instead of telling everyone, maybe we could start with just telling our parents. Maybe a few close friends after that. We decided to tell the parents this weekend.
We've been talking about it all week, how we're going to tell them, how they're going to react, all that stuff. We talked about buying something that says "World's Best Grandparents" and giving it to them and making them wonder, or guess. We talked about just casually dropping it in conversation, and seeing how they react. We're pretty sure that both sets of parents are going to be over the moon excited.
This morning finally arrived and after resting and relaxing for most of the morning, we decided to head out to my parent's house around 3. I gave up on the idea of taking a prop or a gift along because I couldn't find the right thing and I was starting to get really, really anxious/nervous. At the last minute we decided not to call ahead because we thought that one of us might tip them off. So we just showed up.
My mom answered the door and seemed surprised to see us (of course). She had been baking a cake and had just put it in the oven. Dad was not home. I covered quickly saying how we were running errands and were in the area and wondered if we could have dinner together. She wasn't sure when Dad would be home but encouraged us to come in and hang out for a bit. Nausea quickly hit me and I had to excuse myself. Must have been the nerves. I wasn’t sure what to do since Dad wasn't there. We couldn't just tell her without Dad. I panicked. How would we leave now? I didn't know what to do. After sitting in the kitchen and chatting for a while, the garage door went up and Dad was home. Perfect!
He was surprised to see us, too, but chatted with us for a while and eventually we all moved into the family room. As the conversation lulled, I announced the news. I think I said something about how we had some news we wanted to share and when they got really quiet, I said that we're going to have a baby. Dad didn't skip a beat, he jumped up out of his chair and hugged me. He teared up right away. Mom sat next to me and was very quiet. She put her hand on my leg and said something about how very happy she was. She commented how we brought her some much needed sunshine. I think she processes her emotions different. She had a huge smile on her face, but she was quiet. There were some questions then, about how far along we are, and when we're due. I showed them the ultrasound images, and we talked about how this will change our lives. Mom commented that she was 31 when she was pregnant for the first time. I didn't realize that. That's kind of cool. We talked for a while longer, and when the pound cake came out of the oven, Mom sliced us each a piece. After a while we said we should go and head over to the Snell's to tell them the news.
We owed the Snell's a check for our vacation in June, so Doug called and said we were in the area and we wanted to bring the check over. They were both home, and said that Doug's sister and her family were coming over soon as well. Perfect!
When we got to the Snell's they let us in and quickly we were absorbed in the chatter of the day. Chris showed me some new linens she purchased for her bed, and told me her plans to make new curtains. Doug sat in the family room with his Dad talking about computers…or something. We chatted about all the goings on of the neighborhood (their neighbor got a Dog) and things like that. Chris talked to me from across the room while Doug talked to his Dad. For a while I didn't think we were going to find a lull in the conversation and I didn't know what I would do. Would I have to blow a whistle? I don't know if I interrupted or what I did, but I finally somehow stopped the conversation and said "Well, before Jamie and Alison arrive, we have something we'd like to talk to you about". I looked at Doug thinking he was going to share the news, but he just nodded at me. So I blurted it out "We're going to have a baby". Chris had the best response! She jumped out of her chair like it was spring loaded and said "Holy Shit, no you're not". She looked like she was coming over to hug me but then she stopped in the middle of the room, looked at Doug Sr. and said how she had just said something about how God works in mysterious ways. She seemed like she was stuck, in shock or something. It was really endearing. I finally met her half way and hugged her. She sat back down then and said how she was just talking to our jeweler, Ray, about us. He had asked if we had children. She told him no, and he was so surprised. She told us that she responded that God works in mysterious ways. Around this time I realized we hadn't heard a peep from Doug Sr. so I looked in his direction. He's a little slower to react, I think he was still processing. After a bit he said that he wasn't surprised, that he thought this would be coming soon. When I asked him how he predicted that which nobody else could, he said that he "just knew". After a few moments passed he did say "wow" a couple times.
Chris was very anxious now, asking all kinds of questions. I showed both of them the ultrasound and explained how far along we are. After a while one of us wondered out loud where Jamie and Alison were. Chris said we should call them, but she couldn't call, she would give it away, she was too excited. This was very cute to watch, because she seemed to actually be sitting on her hands. She kept saying things like "a baby", "there's going to be a baby". Doug Sr. called Alison and we heard they were on the way but were still a while out. We were hungry, so we asked if we could get dinner. The Snell's offered to get pizza and a sandwich for everyone to share. The Doug's went to get it.
Around the time we finished eating, the Baxter's arrived. Jamie, Alison, Nathan, and Nicolas. We wrapped up our food and sat around talking with everyone. If I thought it was hard to find a lull in the conversation before - that was nothing. I had no idea how we were going to sort this out. Eight people in one room? No way. I don't know how he did it, but Doug found a quiet moment and cleared his throat. Then he asked Nathan and Nicholas if they'd soon be old enough and responsible enough to baby-sit their baby cousin. The boys looked at each other, confused. Then they looked at their mom, who also looked confused. "Which baby cousin?" someone asked. Then I don't even remember if it was Doug or I or where it came from, but we told them we were having a baby and they were going to have a baby cousin. Alison and Jamie congratulated us, and asked the usual questions about when we're due and such. I shared the ultrasound images with everyone, even the boys, who I think didn't quite know what to look for. We asked them if they wanted a boy or a girl cousin and they both shrugged. Eventually they went downstairs to play pinball and we all talked some more. Everyone was very excited. Jamie and Alison talked to me a lot about their experiences with both Nathan and Nicolas. I think I was just too young back then to have been involved. It was really interesting to hear what it was like for them.
Around 9:00, exhaustion set in and I was about to fall asleep sitting still, so I rounded up Doug and we headed out. What a day, we were filled with excitement.
We've been talking about it all week, how we're going to tell them, how they're going to react, all that stuff. We talked about buying something that says "World's Best Grandparents" and giving it to them and making them wonder, or guess. We talked about just casually dropping it in conversation, and seeing how they react. We're pretty sure that both sets of parents are going to be over the moon excited.
This morning finally arrived and after resting and relaxing for most of the morning, we decided to head out to my parent's house around 3. I gave up on the idea of taking a prop or a gift along because I couldn't find the right thing and I was starting to get really, really anxious/nervous. At the last minute we decided not to call ahead because we thought that one of us might tip them off. So we just showed up.
My mom answered the door and seemed surprised to see us (of course). She had been baking a cake and had just put it in the oven. Dad was not home. I covered quickly saying how we were running errands and were in the area and wondered if we could have dinner together. She wasn't sure when Dad would be home but encouraged us to come in and hang out for a bit. Nausea quickly hit me and I had to excuse myself. Must have been the nerves. I wasn’t sure what to do since Dad wasn't there. We couldn't just tell her without Dad. I panicked. How would we leave now? I didn't know what to do. After sitting in the kitchen and chatting for a while, the garage door went up and Dad was home. Perfect!
He was surprised to see us, too, but chatted with us for a while and eventually we all moved into the family room. As the conversation lulled, I announced the news. I think I said something about how we had some news we wanted to share and when they got really quiet, I said that we're going to have a baby. Dad didn't skip a beat, he jumped up out of his chair and hugged me. He teared up right away. Mom sat next to me and was very quiet. She put her hand on my leg and said something about how very happy she was. She commented how we brought her some much needed sunshine. I think she processes her emotions different. She had a huge smile on her face, but she was quiet. There were some questions then, about how far along we are, and when we're due. I showed them the ultrasound images, and we talked about how this will change our lives. Mom commented that she was 31 when she was pregnant for the first time. I didn't realize that. That's kind of cool. We talked for a while longer, and when the pound cake came out of the oven, Mom sliced us each a piece. After a while we said we should go and head over to the Snell's to tell them the news.
We owed the Snell's a check for our vacation in June, so Doug called and said we were in the area and we wanted to bring the check over. They were both home, and said that Doug's sister and her family were coming over soon as well. Perfect!
When we got to the Snell's they let us in and quickly we were absorbed in the chatter of the day. Chris showed me some new linens she purchased for her bed, and told me her plans to make new curtains. Doug sat in the family room with his Dad talking about computers…or something. We chatted about all the goings on of the neighborhood (their neighbor got a Dog) and things like that. Chris talked to me from across the room while Doug talked to his Dad. For a while I didn't think we were going to find a lull in the conversation and I didn't know what I would do. Would I have to blow a whistle? I don't know if I interrupted or what I did, but I finally somehow stopped the conversation and said "Well, before Jamie and Alison arrive, we have something we'd like to talk to you about". I looked at Doug thinking he was going to share the news, but he just nodded at me. So I blurted it out "We're going to have a baby". Chris had the best response! She jumped out of her chair like it was spring loaded and said "Holy Shit, no you're not". She looked like she was coming over to hug me but then she stopped in the middle of the room, looked at Doug Sr. and said how she had just said something about how God works in mysterious ways. She seemed like she was stuck, in shock or something. It was really endearing. I finally met her half way and hugged her. She sat back down then and said how she was just talking to our jeweler, Ray, about us. He had asked if we had children. She told him no, and he was so surprised. She told us that she responded that God works in mysterious ways. Around this time I realized we hadn't heard a peep from Doug Sr. so I looked in his direction. He's a little slower to react, I think he was still processing. After a bit he said that he wasn't surprised, that he thought this would be coming soon. When I asked him how he predicted that which nobody else could, he said that he "just knew". After a few moments passed he did say "wow" a couple times.
Chris was very anxious now, asking all kinds of questions. I showed both of them the ultrasound and explained how far along we are. After a while one of us wondered out loud where Jamie and Alison were. Chris said we should call them, but she couldn't call, she would give it away, she was too excited. This was very cute to watch, because she seemed to actually be sitting on her hands. She kept saying things like "a baby", "there's going to be a baby". Doug Sr. called Alison and we heard they were on the way but were still a while out. We were hungry, so we asked if we could get dinner. The Snell's offered to get pizza and a sandwich for everyone to share. The Doug's went to get it.
Around the time we finished eating, the Baxter's arrived. Jamie, Alison, Nathan, and Nicolas. We wrapped up our food and sat around talking with everyone. If I thought it was hard to find a lull in the conversation before - that was nothing. I had no idea how we were going to sort this out. Eight people in one room? No way. I don't know how he did it, but Doug found a quiet moment and cleared his throat. Then he asked Nathan and Nicholas if they'd soon be old enough and responsible enough to baby-sit their baby cousin. The boys looked at each other, confused. Then they looked at their mom, who also looked confused. "Which baby cousin?" someone asked. Then I don't even remember if it was Doug or I or where it came from, but we told them we were having a baby and they were going to have a baby cousin. Alison and Jamie congratulated us, and asked the usual questions about when we're due and such. I shared the ultrasound images with everyone, even the boys, who I think didn't quite know what to look for. We asked them if they wanted a boy or a girl cousin and they both shrugged. Eventually they went downstairs to play pinball and we all talked some more. Everyone was very excited. Jamie and Alison talked to me a lot about their experiences with both Nathan and Nicolas. I think I was just too young back then to have been involved. It was really interesting to hear what it was like for them.
Around 9:00, exhaustion set in and I was about to fall asleep sitting still, so I rounded up Doug and we headed out. What a day, we were filled with excitement.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
First "Real" Appointment
Today I had my first "real" appointment at the doctor's office. This is the intake appointment. The appointment that everyone else has first. I ended up having Monday's appointment because of the slight bleeding I experienced, but this was the real first appointment. I met with the intake nurse, who was one of the sweetest people I've ever met. Her role was to give me a picture of what the next 7-8 months will be like and what I can expect. She told me about all the things I can and can't be doing and all the things I can and can't be eating/drinking. We talked about everything from soda to hair coloring. We talked about lotions, cat litter, artificial sweetners and everything in between. I learned so much. She told me to call her if I had any questions and she gave me a bag filled with free goodies like magazines, a book, vitamins and more. She asked that I have some more blood work done, a "pre-natal screening", she called it, and said I should do that in the next week. We talked about all kinds of things and an hour and a half later, we were done. This was a good appointment - I learned a lot!
Monday, March 2, 2009
The Ultrasound
I drove back through the blizzard (which was improving) to Woman's & Babies for my "Outpatient Services". First on the list was the ultrasound and next was blood work. I'm not sure which one I was more nervous about.
The technician quickly called me in for the ultrasound. The room was dimly lit and the bed was really comfortable, covered in real honest to goodness sheets instead of paper ones. The technician was very kind and spoke quietly. She made my nervousness completely disappear. She started the ultrasound and told me she'd be looking at the monitor for a while to check everything out and make sure everything was well. She told me she would move the monitor so I could see it later when she focused on "the pregnancy". She must have used the term "the pregnancy" four of five times. It occurred to me that she probably used that term instead of "the fetus" or "the baby" because they probably come across a lot of situations that are bad, where there is a problem. So I just tried to remain positive. Eventually when she found "the pregnancy", she moved the monitor so I could see. It was a really surreal feeling. She showed me the outline of the fetus, the head, the body, the little fins that would develop into arms and legs. It was so strange. I thought I might cry, but I didn't. I was in awe of my own body, I think. What a miracle. She told me the heartbeat was a strong 160 beats per minute and that everything looks good. She said I was approximately 7 weeks & 5 days. She put my due date around October 16. She made a quick call to my doctor and then handed the phone to me. My doctor said everything appears to be good and I should not be concerned. I still had to do the blood work but then I was done. She told me congratulations. I think I was in a fog. The technician handed me 3 print-outs of the ultrasound, with images of my little developing fetus.
The technician brought me back to the lobby where I was to wait until someone came for me to do my blood work. I became nervous again because it's always hard to find a vein in me. Getting blood from me is always a huge challenge and usually involves 5 or 6 painful needle sticks. I tried to pass the time by texting Doug and my best friend about the ultrasound. I looked at the images of the ultrasound again and again. I decided the fetus was roughly the same size and appearance as a candy Sour Patch Kid. I had some at home which is probably why I thought of it. The candies have big heads and small bodies with barley noticeable arms. That's it. Sour Patch Kid.
The technician quickly called me in for the ultrasound. The room was dimly lit and the bed was really comfortable, covered in real honest to goodness sheets instead of paper ones. The technician was very kind and spoke quietly. She made my nervousness completely disappear. She started the ultrasound and told me she'd be looking at the monitor for a while to check everything out and make sure everything was well. She told me she would move the monitor so I could see it later when she focused on "the pregnancy". She must have used the term "the pregnancy" four of five times. It occurred to me that she probably used that term instead of "the fetus" or "the baby" because they probably come across a lot of situations that are bad, where there is a problem. So I just tried to remain positive. Eventually when she found "the pregnancy", she moved the monitor so I could see. It was a really surreal feeling. She showed me the outline of the fetus, the head, the body, the little fins that would develop into arms and legs. It was so strange. I thought I might cry, but I didn't. I was in awe of my own body, I think. What a miracle. She told me the heartbeat was a strong 160 beats per minute and that everything looks good. She said I was approximately 7 weeks & 5 days. She put my due date around October 16. She made a quick call to my doctor and then handed the phone to me. My doctor said everything appears to be good and I should not be concerned. I still had to do the blood work but then I was done. She told me congratulations. I think I was in a fog. The technician handed me 3 print-outs of the ultrasound, with images of my little developing fetus.
The technician brought me back to the lobby where I was to wait until someone came for me to do my blood work. I became nervous again because it's always hard to find a vein in me. Getting blood from me is always a huge challenge and usually involves 5 or 6 painful needle sticks. I tried to pass the time by texting Doug and my best friend about the ultrasound. I looked at the images of the ultrasound again and again. I decided the fetus was roughly the same size and appearance as a candy Sour Patch Kid. I had some at home which is probably why I thought of it. The candies have big heads and small bodies with barley noticeable arms. That's it. Sour Patch Kid.
Eventually, a nurse came out to get me for my blood work. She was an older woman and I was thankful for that. At least she'd have experience on her side. I explained my difficulties and she said she was unconcerned. She told me I'd be fine. To my delight, she was right. She found a vein on the first try and it gave her 3 full tubes of blood. This never happens to me! I was thrilled. I told her I could kiss her. She told me the blood work was for something called an RH test. It would determine if my blood was RH negative or positive. Something about if my blood is negative and the baby's is positive then there could be a problem. I'm not entirely clear on all the details. I sat for a while to make sure I felt okay and eventually I left.
Thank you, God, that my blood test was easy and everything went well with the ultrasound. It was a surreal experience.
Told my boss. Figured it wasn't worth trying to skirt around all the appointments this week (today alone!). She was overjoyed and congratulated me over and over. She said she'll keep it under wraps between she and I until I tell her otherwise. She tells me it is wonderful and she's thrilled for me.
In other news - I'm headed out for the ultrasound.
In other news - I'm headed out for the ultrasound.
I Met the Doctor!
Lots of paperwork - for real! And only about 15 minutes with the doctor.
The doctor was really nice, and laughed at my jokes. (Yes, my nervous joking came out of nowhere). I made a comment about how I'd never met her before and here I was waiting with no pants on. Then I said something about how she didn't even have to buy me a drink. She laughed, then apologized and introduced herself nicely and shook my hand. (I don't know why, but I appreciate it when Doctors do that - instead of assuming I know who they are). She wants me to have bloodwork and an ultrasound, stat.
She told me not to worry, that we're just finding out some information and we'll know more at the end of the day. She said she promises the day won't end without me knowing what's up. She said after the ultrasound and blood work the hospital will call her and then she'll call me. She was very nice.
So I have a 1pm appointment to go back and get the bloodwork and ultrasound. Not looking forward to dropping my drawers again, but I guess it could be worse.
Lots of paperwork - for real! And only about 15 minutes with the doctor.
The doctor was really nice, and laughed at my jokes. (Yes, my nervous joking came out of nowhere). I made a comment about how I'd never met her before and here I was waiting with no pants on. Then I said something about how she didn't even have to buy me a drink. She laughed, then apologized and introduced herself nicely and shook my hand. (I don't know why, but I appreciate it when Doctors do that - instead of assuming I know who they are). She wants me to have bloodwork and an ultrasound, stat.
She told me not to worry, that we're just finding out some information and we'll know more at the end of the day. She said she promises the day won't end without me knowing what's up. She said after the ultrasound and blood work the hospital will call her and then she'll call me. She was very nice.
So I have a 1pm appointment to go back and get the bloodwork and ultrasound. Not looking forward to dropping my drawers again, but I guess it could be worse.
I called the doctor this morning to fill them in. They were really nice about it but they said that I should have called or paged them right away. (Um…haven't even had my first appointment yet, how would I know to "page" them?) Thankfully she was really nice and said she wanted to see me right away to get some bloodwork done. She said something about different blood types and RH negative and how they would have given me a shot or something.
She said they can see me at 11:15. She also said she'd like me to come about 1/2 hour early so I can fill out all the paperwork (yikes!).
It's a blizzard here today, of course, so she told me to be safe. I'll be as careful as I can, but I do want to be seen. I sincerely hope this is nothing and it's minor. I just don't know. I'm worried.
This is a whole new world for me.
She said they can see me at 11:15. She also said she'd like me to come about 1/2 hour early so I can fill out all the paperwork (yikes!).
It's a blizzard here today, of course, so she told me to be safe. I'll be as careful as I can, but I do want to be seen. I sincerely hope this is nothing and it's minor. I just don't know. I'm worried.
This is a whole new world for me.
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